K I S S

PACKRATS ANONYMOUS had a select group called the KISS team. It was made up of one or more members who had "been through the mill" themselves and thoroughly understood the rules to KISS by and were skilled in how to KISS.

As any romantic knows, the art of KISSing requires sensitivity, personality, character and a lot of determination.

One day I made arrangements to teach the KISS technique to a new member of the PACKRATS. She was the only female in a household of six males. Right away the need for a proper KISS method became obvious. She had never heard of the KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetheart) method and was reluctant to try even the first principle.

The Packrats Anonymous KISS team was prepared for such inertia. We called this state NON-OP. I led the poor dear to an easy chair, propped her feet up and began to KISS. I started in the living room which had been used as a giant laundry basket combination toy box. It didn't take long to "put it right" because a rule of KISS is not to become emotionally involved with the task being accomplished.

Did you ever wonder how much ENERGY is expended in resenting the fact that you have the same old 42 jockey shorts to fold this week as you did last week and there are three more holes than there were last time? You only found two pairs of your own undies' and you know you changed oftener than that. A stranger, however, comes in cold, doesn't care how many times you changed, doesn't count 42 briefs or the holes, but quickly does the job with no emotional expenditure at all, keeping an eye on the next "chore" to be done.

With the living room reborn to its original status, KISS moved to the kitchen which "shared space" at the end of the family room. The mantle over the fireplace was filled, end to end, with everything from matches to tiny bottles of wine--the kind from airplanes--to the usual bric-a-brac found on mantles, a pet rock, dried flowers in a coke bottle, paper clips, rubber bands, pencils, Christmas candles (it was July), a valentine, well you get the idea...

KISS RULE #1: Clear to the surface.

I got an apple box and carefully placed each item from matches to valentine into the box. It isn't the KISSer's job to throw anything away. With the mantle clear, we decided on a focal decor and placed it in the most strategic and balanced location. From here we moved to the next surface: the top of the refrigerator.

KISS RULE #2: Refrigerator top clear FOREVER.

Off came three packages of potato chips, a fly swatter, the five-pound can of peanut butter, a house plant, two loaves of bread, and everything taken from the two-year-old he shouldn't have had anyway.

Morning had been swiftly passing and it was nearing lunchtime.

Without warning a deep voice said "Oh, Sorry! I have the wrong house."

We heard the door bang and shortly re-open and the same voice say:

"Nope. This can't be the wrong house. I went out and counted. This IS my house. I don't understand...NO wait a minute...I DO seem to recall my house once looked like this when it was new before we moved in. Son of a gun! I was right! There WAS a mantle under there all the time."

By this time Vickie was about to have apoplexy. She had NO sense of humor where housework was concerned.

The deep voice continued..."Well I'll be darned! I didn't know refrigerators had metal tops! I always thought they were made of potato chip wrappers."

By this time I was holding my tummy and wiping the tears away. He was hilarious. His whole conversation was delivered with a straight face and was definitely on the dry side. Twenty-five years of parrying the same type of comments in my own situation helped me understand and appreciate the humor because I was not emotionally involved. Taking it "personally" is very painful.

How do we spell relief? Teach a friend to KISS.

From childhood on, we collect behavior patterns, some good some not so good, some downright bad! To keep from being overwhelmed by clutter we need to rethink our behavior patterns. Now is the time to re-evaluate and re-think our actions. Expand your awareness and simplify your life. You CAN survive if you throw it away! If you don't use it, give it away (K.I.S.S.). If you are not going to KISS it, it needs to be stored and cataloged.