Calendar

A major help in gaining control of your life is calendaring your time.

Aunt Grace was one of my father's older sisters. She washed on Monday, ironed on Tuesday, cleaned on Wednesday, shopped on Thursday. Her routine never varied.

"Hi! How are you? What're you doing?"

"It's Monday."

"So?"

"Monday is wash day."

Aunt Grace became my Miss Manners. She knew all about etiquette. She once told me, "Drop over some time" was the colossal insult. She declared an invitation gave day, time and duration.

"Come over any time" translates: "I have no value. My time is worthless. I am worthless." If nobody thinks you are important, it's your fault. You set your own value.

Aunt Grace washed on Monday. I like Mondays because they're so quiet after the hurly-burly of the weekend, and I use them to recover from it. I schedule my calendar in advance, and rarely schedule any outside activity for Mondays. I use Mondays to get in charge of the week ahead. No engagements are accepted without checking the calendar.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are for any out-of-the-house appointments, errands, etc. Friday is "Pamper Me" day when you get your nails/hair done, have lunch with a friend, or whatever you want to do strictly to please and pamper yourself. Saturday is family day. No housework is allowed on family day. No, not any. Sunday is a part of the family time. No housework here either.

"But I work. Saturday and Sunday are the only days I have to catch up. If I didn't do housework then, it would never get done." You may think that now, but when your life is in control you will find more time than ever before, and you will not have to do housework on the weekends.

Schedule one hour two days a week--try Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday--for deep cleaning. Remember to use the timer. Schedule one hour a day for basic chores. If you are employed outside the home break this time down into two or more parts: the beginning of your day and the end of your day. Schedule fifteen minutes for surface cleaning--again break this down into two parts, if needed.

Keep a large calendar where all the family can see it with a coordinated schedule so all know of events, appointments, birthdays, etc. I keep little yellow Post-it-notes by the phone and write the appointment time and place, stick it on the calendar on the appropriate date and then I take it with me when I go or take it down when the event is over. It keeps the calendar tidier.

Mary Alice never allowed herself to be pressured into accepting invitations or even to bake cookies for the bazaar. She responded to all, "Let me check my calendar and get back with you." Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. Whatever she did, she was in control of her time and her life. Another woman wrote a big NO! on her calendar. When pressed to do something she didn't want to do, she merely said, "Sorry. My calendar says no." I tried that one, and it works! I could truthfully say my calendar says no when I was tempted to over-book. The response to "Shall we do lunch Monday?" is: "I'll check my calendar and get back to you." This gives you control of the situation and relieves you of the stress of how to gracefully get out of doing something you don't want to do. Better yet, it puts you in charge of your life, even if it's something that you want to do.

Try this experiment. Get a calendar and write a big NO on the top. Then put a big X on all Mondays and Fridays. Accept NO bookings on those days. They belong to you. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are open until filled. In doing this now, you can say to an insistent manipulator without a twinge of conscience, "Sorry, I'm booked solid that day."