Wear a Dress

Vicki asked me, "What happened to the wear a dress assignment? That was our first assignment. Wearing a dress makes you change yourself, then you can change your house. That assignment should be #1 on the list of things to do. Who wants to sit in a pile of junk with a dress on? Your attitude changes when you wear a dress (as opposed to a jeans personality). When you go around in sweats, you don't care whether you sit amidst garbage. When I started to ride my sister's horse, I didn't have proper riding clothes. I wore my jeans. When the horse drooled on me I wiped my hands on my jeans. I wouldn't dream of doing that on my slacks, riding habit, dress or stirrup pants. To put yourself in a better frame of mind, try to get up, get dressed, put makeup on, wear a dress. Doing this gets you ready to be able to pick up the piece of toast on the sofa."

Jeans Personality

When Meg was a teenager she usually wore dresses or slacks. One day she pulled on her jeans, and with them, her jeans personality. If I hadn't been standing there as a witness I wouldn't have believed it. Her whole persona changed! And not for the better. I believe that in many cases, the donning of jeans, old sweats, or an old muu-muu contributes to an overall downturn in self esteem.

Attitude Adjustment

Anne told me, "I'm not dieting. Dieting doesn't work for me. When I don't lose weight I feel like a failure. Right now I'm concerned with eating only good food that will nourish me, at intervals that will prevent recurrence of un-health." Anne had spent years yo-yo dieting with the net result of overall gain. She periodically starved herself, lost a few pounds, then binged and gained back more than she had lost.

"Exercising gives me positive energy and makes me feel good. My goal is to recapture the self esteem I had as a child when I felt happy and secure because I was in control of my own essence. I wasn't afraid."

"Using the GIGO (garbage in/garbage out) method I set about reprogramming myself one step at a time. I'm making a positive attitude adjustment. I'm happier when I control my own essence. I can be at peace with myself. I can cease to be cynical. The steps are unique and individually tailored to fit."

FORMULA: Positive input, positive output results in affirmation. For example, think to yourself, "I'm becoming more beautiful. If I reprogram my mind with positive and only input positive, no negative can come out. The idea is to adjust my input to positive (positive expression of positive thoughts) thus building positive mental energy which enables my mind to function for full benefit. The power thus energized is visible on my countenance (aura)."

Sometimes life is so busy and loud we can't hear our own inner voice directing us toward good and beauty.

Beauty is a feeling, comes from within, and is solidified in everything we touch. It's a state of good, positive, order, truth or overall well-being. It's the ideal state, the absence of depression, illness, un-health. As long as I thought about myself as ugly, I could live in chaos and be acted upon. I didn't have to be responsible or "keep my house clean." Ugly does ugly. Ugly is like a military tank trap keeping us out of commission to further travel or progress and is accomplished by focusing on ugly. When I was able to recognize my own beauty, I took responsibility for my own life, became self directing, no longer acted upon, but acting for myself. If you stop focusing on ugly, beauty can blossom.

One day I took fresh towels into the bathroom. I had an armload, so I didn't turn on the light. As I spun around I caught a glimpse of Aunt Grace in the darkened mirror. Wait! Aunt Grace has been dead for more than twenty years. How could I have seen her? I turned on the light and peered closer. Yup! That was Aunt Grace peering back at me. No! Wait...that's really me! But Aunt Grace was beautiful (she loved me). How could I look like her? I'm old. I'm overweight. I'm not beautiful (I believed that because I didn't love me). Closer study and pondering made me realize Aunt Grace was about the age I am now when I knew her. She wasn't overweight, she was just right (she was about my size!) Suddenly, the light turned on inside my head. Aunt Grace was beautiful (I thought so because she loved me). If I look like her I must be beautiful. I vowed that day to stop seeing ugly when I looked in my mirror. I decided to look for my resemblances to Aunt Grace, to start loving me and to be happy. A recent visit to my sister showed me how successful I'd been at that particular quest. We were seated in her living room chatting. Out of the clear blue she interrupted, "My gosh Lorrainie, I don't know whether it's your glasses, or a trick of the light but you look just like Aunt Grace!"

Gaining knowledge of my own beauty freed me from bondage to ugly. When someone pushes my ugly buttons I can pull the plug and refrain from being ugly, which is a better way. The choice between ugly and beautiful is mine to make, not my parents', spouse's, children's, or anyone else's. When I'm beautiful I'm responsible TO my own divine nature. Recognizing my own beauty and refusing to allow rejection to dissuade me from being of worth, allows me to become self-directing, no longer acted upon but acting in my own best interest. The more rapidly I work to overcome evil with good, which is sometimes called obedience, the faster I progress toward enlightenment. When I allow myself to be beautiful it means little whether I am young or old, short or tall, fat or thin.

CAUTION: This recognition isn't accomplished overnight so "don't run faster than you are able." The little dog got to Dover one step at a time, and he stopped to chase rabbits along the way.

You can't "save" anyone else. The person's own desire saves himself as he recognizes truth on whatever level and chooses to live it. The example of your own light or beauty, held high to show the way is the candle at which others ignite their own flame.

Just Say No!

I'm an advocate of self liberation. I advocate finding freedom from repressed rage (migraines to hypertension) that people have because throughout their entire lives they haven't learned to say NO! to the things they don't want to do but feel compelled to do something by whatever social pressure is exerted.

LESSON:

Pucker up: Put your tongue forward, put voice to the wind passing through your nose, now open your mouth and continue the sound. NNNNNNNNN OH!
NO!

No excuses, just NO. After a certain amount of time, depending on how long you have been a yes person, you will be in control of your own life.

Why will doing this allow you to stop hating housework? Because you'll have learned the tricks of the trade, how to simplify your life, why you get bogged down, and why housework is important to YOU. Not because of the whitest wash hanging on the line (competition) but because you will have learned that peace of mind (serenity) comes from an orderly environment. You are not doing things to please other people or NOT to please other people (rebelling either passively or actively) but because YOU feel better having things orderly. You can accomplish this by making a simple...

Triage

When someone has a real need, like an emergency, I'm capable of triage--which is assessing the nature and seriousness of wounds in a multi-injury situation so the seriously injured don't die while a band-aid is being applied to a hardly wounded-at-all patient.

I'm also sensitive enough to offer my services when those services are really needed, but I reserve the right to refuse my services to anyone whom I feel may be infringing on my good nature. I've done many useful things. I can't be all things to all people, so I must choose what I will and what I won't do. I no longer let the opinions of others bother me. I know who I am and I act accordingly. I've found other people relate to me easier because I am straightforward and honest about my feelings. Since I took charge of my life, I seldom feel anger, bitterness, or hostility, because I seldom let others manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do. You too can take charge of your life and stop letting others manipulate you. This is how:

Calendar

A major help in gaining control of your life is calendaring your time.

Aunt Grace was one of my father's older sisters. She washed on Monday, ironed on Tuesday, cleaned on Wednesday, shopped on Thursday. Her routine never varied.

"Hi! How are you? What're you doing?"

"It's Monday."

"So?"

"Monday is wash day."

Aunt Grace became my Miss Manners. She knew all about etiquette. She once told me, "Drop over some time" was the colossal insult. She declared an invitation gave day, time and duration.

"Come over any time" translates: "I have no value. My time is worthless. I am worthless." If nobody thinks you are important, it's your fault. You set your own value.

Aunt Grace washed on Monday. I like Mondays because they're so quiet after the hurly-burly of the weekend, and I use them to recover from it. I schedule my calendar in advance, and rarely schedule any outside activity for Mondays. I use Mondays to get in charge of the week ahead. No engagements are accepted without checking the calendar.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are for any out-of-the-house appointments, errands, etc. Friday is "Pamper Me" day when you get your nails/hair done, have lunch with a friend, or whatever you want to do strictly to please and pamper yourself. Saturday is family day. No housework is allowed on family day. No, not any. Sunday is a part of the family time. No housework here either.

"But I work. Saturday and Sunday are the only days I have to catch up. If I didn't do housework then, it would never get done." You may think that now, but when your life is in control you will find more time than ever before, and you will not have to do housework on the weekends.

Schedule one hour two days a week--try Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday--for deep cleaning. Remember to use the timer. Schedule one hour a day for basic chores. If you are employed outside the home break this time down into two or more parts: the beginning of your day and the end of your day. Schedule fifteen minutes for surface cleaning--again break this down into two parts, if needed.

Keep a large calendar where all the family can see it with a coordinated schedule so all know of events, appointments, birthdays, etc. I keep little yellow Post-it-notes by the phone and write the appointment time and place, stick it on the calendar on the appropriate date and then I take it with me when I go or take it down when the event is over. It keeps the calendar tidier.

Mary Alice never allowed herself to be pressured into accepting invitations or even to bake cookies for the bazaar. She responded to all, "Let me check my calendar and get back with you." Sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't. Whatever she did, she was in control of her time and her life. Another woman wrote a big NO! on her calendar. When pressed to do something she didn't want to do, she merely said, "Sorry. My calendar says no." I tried that one, and it works! I could truthfully say my calendar says no when I was tempted to over-book. The response to "Shall we do lunch Monday?" is: "I'll check my calendar and get back to you." This gives you control of the situation and relieves you of the stress of how to gracefully get out of doing something you don't want to do. Better yet, it puts you in charge of your life, even if it's something that you want to do.

Try this experiment. Get a calendar and write a big NO on the top. Then put a big X on all Mondays and Fridays. Accept NO bookings on those days. They belong to you. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are open until filled. In doing this now, you can say to an insistent manipulator without a twinge of conscience, "Sorry, I'm booked solid that day."

Clutter Level

Clutter jangles your vibes and acts as a power drain on the main supply. A cluttered life is out of control. Even if I'm "used to it," I'm subconsciously drained by clutter so I may seek an out and use busy-ness as a form of escape when the pressure and responsibility of coping become overwhelming. Life can be cluttered by things, people, the stuff we collect. I can surround myself with so many material things that I have no time for anything else and those things can negatively influence my well-being.

Sports, TV, clubs, lodges, church or community activity, ballet lessons, "friend's" phone calls, hobbies etc. are all useful tools to escape the reality of a dull, boring life which doesn't fulfill a Cinderella/Prince Charming "happily ever after" life, which is a fantasy anyway.

It surprised me to find out how much I contributed to overall beauty just by eliminating clutter from around my own personal environment. Disorder causes an energy drain. When things are in order they are energy compatible.

Each step you take toward order adds a positive charge to your run-down battery. Pretty soon you'll have energy to jump start and we'll be able to unclutter, and get back to basics: simple, straight, order.

Order has important rewards. It makes us healthier, happier, safer, and saves time and energy. It improves our disposition because we feel better when we are in control of things. It helps everyone develop self-discipline and consideration for others. It produces a more tranquil atmosphere and more harmony among family members, but more importantly it produces peace within ourselves, allowing us to better cope with life as we find it.

When your clutter level gets too high, don't blow a gasket. I'll show you, step by step, what you'll need to do to get your house mother-in-law clean and keep it that way in two hours or less.

If your energy level is, like mine, so low that you can hardly get going, give yourself a break! Don't be overwhelmed by the mountain you have to climb. If you get up, take a shower, get dressed and comb your hair, consider yourself a success. Yeaaay! We can climb from here. Add to this routine making your bed. Way to go! When you've got these two mastered for a week, go on and add doing the dishes to your new routine.

Taking a feet-up Smiley Break is a must. Do it often. Smiley Breaks do not include watching TV. Current research shows that TV watching drains energy. A Smiley Break is a five-minute reward you give yourself for a job well done. (Any job is well done if you do it because only you can please you.) Wipe your forehead with the back of your wrist. Smile. Way to go! Take a deep breath...in through the nose...out through the mouth. Again. Smiley Break rewards are taken sitting down, preferably with your feet up.

Safety First

The doorbell rang. I went to answer it and peeked out the peephole. What? That can't be a hook and ladder fire truck parked in front of my house! (It was!) I sniffed for smoke and threw open the door. Standing there with a polite smile on his face, was the tallest, most imposing fireman I've ever seen up close. I'm not even sure if I'd ever seen another fireman that close, imposing or not.

"Hello. We're checking houses in the neighborhood for fire hazards. If we find you have any we will stick a red fire hazard sticker on them."

"Sure, c'mon in. The kids told us it was fire safety week. They pretty much took care of all the fire hazards they spotted."

"Well, I'm glad to say they didn't leave many unspotted. However, there is a problem in the garage." (Right! The garage is all kinds of a disaster area but I thought the kids had taken care of the spontaneous combustibles.)

"All exits must be clear and the pathways to them also. See these tables here?" The tables in question were two folded card tables leaning against the wall and sticking out about six inches into the pathway to the side yard exit which we seldom used. "In case of a fire, no exit or pathway to any exit should be impeded. I won't give you a sticker because you have already cleared the pathway. Congratulate the young fire safety experts. Have a nice day."

Take a look around. Is the pathway to any exit impeded? Could anyone run from any room in the house (as in to escape a fire or to answer the phone) without tripping over something that doesn't belong there (toys, clothing, auto parts, fast food containers, laundry)? Clear the pathways.

When Wendle came into his wife's home office, he tripped over something on the floor, turning his ankle. His mild rebuke was a gem, "This has gone beyond messy, it's now an issue of safety!"

Does this scene sound familiar? Has your clutter level reached a point where it's gotten out of control, gone beyond messy into un-safety or become a health hazard? If this is the case and conditions are unsafe, deal with those first. You can have lots of stuff and still have a safe environment.

Is every flat surface piled with things like leftover pepperoni pizza, the melted ice dregs of somebody's soda-pop, last week's newspaper, last year's magazines or even worse, last year's newspapers? Maybe all of the above and more?

You may not want to bother with organizing your socks drawer, but the spoiled food in the refrigerator is risky. Salmonella grows rapidly and other little nasties may lie behind the scenes. I was grown up before I realized LA CUCARACHA wasn't just a cute, catchy song.

My introduction to maggots came when I was working with a non-op. I didn't know what they were. Flies? Really? Yuck! The transition from maggots to flies was further shown on the floor of the children's playroom where several thousand dead flies lay by the glass doors.

I can say about the same for my first experience with six inches of mold growing up out of a pot of beans on the back burner of another non-op I worked with.

I can top that experience. I went on a first consulting visit to a non-op. She had agreed to work with me, although she was reclusive. It was a blustery March day and I had a fairly longish drive out to her place past the outskirts of town. She had several children, the youngest was nine months old and crawling. The entire house at floor level was beyond unsafe. I barely made it to a place to sit without breaking a leg. I tried not to show my emotions as I watched the baby crawl toward an atrophied mouse caught in a trap amid the dried needles under the Christmas tree.

I can even top that experience. I cleaned a fourteen-room house I owned that had been rented to a sweet young couple--but they turned it into a commune. Twenty-five "hippies" lived there, and when they moved out I didn't allow anyone to come near it for fear they might catch a terminal illness. I cleaned it out myself with a push garage broom, a shovel, a bucket of pine oil water, a garden hose, and hauled away three trailers full of garbage. The "hippies" had used one room for nature calls, some of which they just left on the floor, some of which they contained in bottles of various shapes and sizes and threw out the window into the hay-high weeds. My, what a lot of different kinds of beer bottles. Wait! This isn't beer!

I consider these examples of "beyond messy" and way into the field of health and safety or should I say unhealthy and unsafe.

Jennifer had just returned from a shopping spree. Among her purchases was a storage container to be assembled. She went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. The kitchen was a mess and there were flies on the cats' bowl. Rather than clean up the mess and get rid of the flies, she chose to put the storage container together because that was more fun.

Questioning why she didn't deal with the flies, she told herself, "That's gross! Excuse me! If not you, who? Mom ain't here no more. What? You think a genie's gonna pop out of a lamp or a fairy godmother's gonna wave her magic wand and everything will sparkle? Get real! Reality is it won't take 30 seconds to rinse out the cats' bowl. This is one of those safety first times--DO IT NOW!"

In checking out why she didn't deal with the flies, Jennifer used some great excuses. 1) "I didn't care about the flies--that was a lie, the bowl looked gross! 2) My brain didn't process the information past my eyes--also a lie--I saw it and thought it was gross! 3) The mess was overwhelming and draining, taking all of my energy--another lie--I assembled the storage container. 4) I am able to compartmentalize my actions. My brain separates what my eyes see into compartments and I can see the mess, the flies, process the information, assess it, analyze it, decide it isn't important to me and shine it on (ignore it)."

"Wait a minute! There's nobody here but me. If not me, who? The choice is mine. Yes, I can ignore it, but that won't help. The flies will allow maggots and multiply the grossness. Thirty seconds? Come on!"

Try thinking of yourself as a Buckstop (as in the buck stops here with you) and deal with life now as you find it. Reality is putting this newspaper in the trash, this little paper in the trash, this sweater in the closet. A mess isn't one newspaper on the sofa, but if you always leave the newspaper on the sofa, it becomes a mess. You can keep up, not let it go. If you do let it go, you'll have to do a marathon to catch up.