Vicki told me, "I loved my third grade teacher. She made school such fun. That was the year my father had a heart attack, my mother had to go to work full time and then my third grade teacher died. I couldn't handle all that stress. I escaped into a fantasy world of being in love with Elvis Presley. He was just becoming popular and playing his records and seeing his movies allowed me to escape. Later, whenever life got too tough, I went back into that comfort zone of escape (childhood). Now, I recognize that to come out of escape equals progress. I had lots of cans of worms to get through. Sometimes things that happen are out of your control. The unknown is bad enough and just getting out of your comfort zone is hard, then you find a can of worms but you can't go on until you eat them.
"Everybody is telling you you're a pig and maybe sometimes you feel like one, but down deep you know you're not, so how do you deal with it? One day you find somebody who says, `You are not a pig!' and gives you ways how to deal. You've always been in pig mode so you have to learn how to climb out of your comfort zone to deal with the mess. How big are your worms? There's a whole lot more to it than, `Here's what to do.' You have to find the underlying reason because where the cans of worms come from is the underlying reason why you're rebelling.
"Sometimes you want to rebel and need to go through the climbing out process again. Each time you climb out things get better and better. It's fighting back for control of your life. In other words, validation of your own person. A messy house proves I am in control of something, even if someone else controls everything else.
"Finally, I was able to trust and got connected as one person but I got threatened by the happiness--I don't deserve it--I don't know HOW to be happy because I've been miserable all my life. It's like going someplace you've never been before. I get in control, get self-esteem, then I smash it and go back into my comfort zone. It's like having a learning disability. There is a wonderful person in there under the slimy, mucky, mire of the pit. The question is, how do you keep the slime, muck, and mire off? It's a never-ending story, a refiner's fire on a higher level, like Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Do you know you can be happy? Do you know HOW to be happy? I wondered if part of the map was missing--you can't get from here to there without a map. You have to have it in black and white and green before you know where to go and what to do.
"It's like planning a vacation. The simplest way to Memphis is the way you want to go but you can't get from here to there without a map. So draw a map (make a list) then follow the map. Start where you are. Set a realistic goal. Then put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time the same way the little dog got to Dover. Remember, you don't get to Memphis by hiring someone to go for you. You have to do it yourself."
Showing posts with label Chapter 2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chapter 2. Show all posts
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I Only WANT To Want To
When I was a teenager, all the famous movie stars wore full-length mink coats. Some young starlets had a reputation of being willing to do anything to obtain one, and others bought theirs on the installment plan.
In those days before animal rights, having a mink coat represented having "arrived." I envisioned myself decked out in my mink and diamonds going to a fancy party at Hollywood and Vine. One day I took a city bus to Hollywood and Vine. I was crushed! It was virtually a slum--hardly the fantasy place of my diamonds and mink.
Years later, a relative died and left me her full-length fur coat (still before animal rights). Okay, so it wasn't mink. It was a nice coat and very warm. The problem? I lived in the middle of the Mojave Desert and had no use for a full-length fur coat, mink or not. I still had a dream or two about dripping diamonds in my mink at that party at Hollywood and Vine which I KNEW was a fantasy, but that didn't stop me from wanting it to be real. It finally hit me--I didn't want a mink coat (I'd melt in it). I only wanted to want the idea or fantasy of a mink coat and what I imagined it represented.
Darling used to say, "One day I'd like to build a cabin in the woods with my brother (a little more practical than a mink coat on the Mojave Desert, but not much--there are no woods nearby)." For years I listened to him, "When I get rich, when the kids are grown, when I retire..." All those things came to pass and he finally got to build his cabin in the woods with his brother. He complains bitterly about the work..."I'm too old to climb a ladder up to the roof..." In reality, though he does enjoy the fruits of his labor, what he really wanted was the idea or fantasy of building a cabin in the woods with his brother. No aches and pains from having to haul in sheetrock and raise it up to nail on the ceilings and walls--just imagining the fun. No labor, no sweat--just laughs and a magical cabin in the woods. The well wouldn't run dry in a drought year, the plumbing wouldn't back up--not in that fantasy cabin he'd build "someday." The reality is something else.
While dreams and fantasies are nice, sometimes we use them as a substitute for life. I wasted a lot of time wanting that mink coat. I let myself believe I wasn't a success because I didn't have one. The reality was I didn't really want it and I was already successful. If only I had stopped to realize the absurdity in the ridiculous mindset that a mink coat represented success, I wouldn't have spent so much of my life believing I was a failure.
Do you only want to want to? Is that keeping you from thinking of yourself as a successful person?
In those days before animal rights, having a mink coat represented having "arrived." I envisioned myself decked out in my mink and diamonds going to a fancy party at Hollywood and Vine. One day I took a city bus to Hollywood and Vine. I was crushed! It was virtually a slum--hardly the fantasy place of my diamonds and mink.
Years later, a relative died and left me her full-length fur coat (still before animal rights). Okay, so it wasn't mink. It was a nice coat and very warm. The problem? I lived in the middle of the Mojave Desert and had no use for a full-length fur coat, mink or not. I still had a dream or two about dripping diamonds in my mink at that party at Hollywood and Vine which I KNEW was a fantasy, but that didn't stop me from wanting it to be real. It finally hit me--I didn't want a mink coat (I'd melt in it). I only wanted to want the idea or fantasy of a mink coat and what I imagined it represented.
Darling used to say, "One day I'd like to build a cabin in the woods with my brother (a little more practical than a mink coat on the Mojave Desert, but not much--there are no woods nearby)." For years I listened to him, "When I get rich, when the kids are grown, when I retire..." All those things came to pass and he finally got to build his cabin in the woods with his brother. He complains bitterly about the work..."I'm too old to climb a ladder up to the roof..." In reality, though he does enjoy the fruits of his labor, what he really wanted was the idea or fantasy of building a cabin in the woods with his brother. No aches and pains from having to haul in sheetrock and raise it up to nail on the ceilings and walls--just imagining the fun. No labor, no sweat--just laughs and a magical cabin in the woods. The well wouldn't run dry in a drought year, the plumbing wouldn't back up--not in that fantasy cabin he'd build "someday." The reality is something else.
While dreams and fantasies are nice, sometimes we use them as a substitute for life. I wasted a lot of time wanting that mink coat. I let myself believe I wasn't a success because I didn't have one. The reality was I didn't really want it and I was already successful. If only I had stopped to realize the absurdity in the ridiculous mindset that a mink coat represented success, I wouldn't have spent so much of my life believing I was a failure.
Do you only want to want to? Is that keeping you from thinking of yourself as a successful person?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Attention Deficit Disorder
Brain damage, whether due to injury, illness, or oxygen deprivation may result in ADD. Symptoms can include rage, destructive behavior, or even violence. The cause has been linked to over-stimulation of the brain. For an ADD four-year-old to go to the grocery store can be a nightmare. There are too many colors, people, things and noise all pounding on his overloaded brain. Is it any wonder he can't stand it and throws a tantrum? Crowds, TV, traffic, grocery shopping, all can be stressor triggers. Our four year old's treatment should include keeping things simple to reduce stimulation to his already overloaded neurons which cry out for relief. One mother has her four-year-old spend time alone, on the bed, in her room with one book or one toy to relieve his ADD overload (temper tantrum). If ADD is a problem and you're seeking solutions, try eliminating as many stimulators as you can. Clear away all of the child's toys and store them out of sight. Allow only one toy to be in use at a time. Clear dressers and table-tops (bare). Use only one item as a focal point. Taking away clutter removes the over-stimulation/stressors and allows the overtaxed brain to process information easier and less painfully. Actually, this "cure" is a fix for other kinds of problems as well. It helps relieve stress and allows peace and serenity to be a part of the regular home atmosphere.
Hank grew up before ADD was recognized. In those days children with this problem were called hyperactive and drugged to make them calm. After he and his family moved to the country, Hank seemed to do much better. He would sit on the bank of the creek and fish alone for hours. He found a natural control for his problem and no longer needed drugs.
Hank grew up before ADD was recognized. In those days children with this problem were called hyperactive and drugged to make them calm. After he and his family moved to the country, Hank seemed to do much better. He would sit on the bank of the creek and fish alone for hours. He found a natural control for his problem and no longer needed drugs.
Stress
On the other hand, flight or fight, the stress reaction, causes tremendous body chemistry changes. When used as nature intended, to save us from disaster, however, it can be good, to live under the constant influence of that body chemistry isn't healthy. Stress, fear, anger, fight or flight, tension, frustration all boost metabolism and dump extra sugar, fat, and cholesterol into the bloodstream causing blood pressure to go up to propel nutrients faster and cause the kidneys to clear the blood of wastes (decks cleared for action). If not used as energy for physical action extra sugar has to be taken out of the bloodstream. Overreaction may occur (too much taken out) and a new stimulant is needed in the form of more coffee, cola, etc; cholesterol has no mechanism to remove it from the blood so it causes a traffic jam and may clog the arteries.
We've learned that emotions affect brain chemistry, and thoughts can change brain chemistry and cause illness or promote healing. I saw on a feature spot on TV about rabbits that were fed a toxic diet to close off their arteries so the effects of various countermeasures could be studied. Although all of the rabbits were fed the same diet, one group didn't develop the problems. Checking the cause of this, it was discovered that the person in charge of that group petted them and talked to them!
It helps sometimes to know you aren't alone. Isolation or feeling like you are alone can cause illness. Depression, because you feel alone, can lead to disease and because of this we need to interact with people who care--not necessarily family but with others who understand and empathize. Sharing your feelings with others who understand, as within a support system, has also proven to be effective.
We've learned that emotions affect brain chemistry, and thoughts can change brain chemistry and cause illness or promote healing. I saw on a feature spot on TV about rabbits that were fed a toxic diet to close off their arteries so the effects of various countermeasures could be studied. Although all of the rabbits were fed the same diet, one group didn't develop the problems. Checking the cause of this, it was discovered that the person in charge of that group petted them and talked to them!
It helps sometimes to know you aren't alone. Isolation or feeling like you are alone can cause illness. Depression, because you feel alone, can lead to disease and because of this we need to interact with people who care--not necessarily family but with others who understand and empathize. Sharing your feelings with others who understand, as within a support system, has also proven to be effective.
Smile
Did you know that smiling exercises muscles and raises the temperature of the brain just enough to allow release of positive chemicals into the bloodstream? These positive chemicals make us feel good and produce energy (strength) for us to function more efficiently. Did you also know that humor is effective in healing? Health care professionals are making it a regular part of their therapy strategy these days. Did you know that humor alleviates stress? Or that laughter breaks have been successful in lowering blood pressure in patients with moderate hypertension where drugs alone were unsuccessful? Robust laughter is followed by relaxation so there are some physiological benefits such as the easing of muscular tension and increased oxygen in the blood because of deep breathing. Laughter and humor cultivate the will to live and help mobilize the body's defenses. So you see? Smiling makes us feel good and laughter helps us get well and stay well!
More Slum Clearance
With all the slum clearance and urban renewal around here it was bound to hit the garage sooner or later.
"Darling, it's up to you to run the bulldozer, it's all your treasure."
"Yeah, well I CAN'T now. I've gotta go play tennis."
I admitted to myself it was an ideal day for tennis, so I climbed up on a chair and tackled the top kitchen shelves.
Darling and Baby Daughter came home before I'd had a chance to miss them.
"Here's the key to the bulldozer. Start on the left cupboard of your work bench."
"Can't. I'm watching a basketball game."
Number 2 Son came in and asked, "Mom, can you put a new patch on an old hole?"
"Huh?"
"Will you stitch up the seam in my jeans?"
"Oh. Yeah, but they gotta be clean and you gotta hold my hand."
"Hold her hand?"
"Yeah. She always breaks a needle sewing on my jeans and she needs somebody there to cuss at."
Number 2 Son stood hunched over my shoulder watching the blue thread dancing back and forth as it pulled together the frayed seam. His non-stop flow of humor was par for the course.
"*%$*!"
"Wow! That sure got bent in a hurry. Want me to straighten it?"
"Nope. Just get me a new needle."
We started the same scene, take 2.
"*%$*!"
"Again?"
"I don't suppose I could get you to stitch my other pair...ah, I guess just forget it..."
Darling returned and said, "The game is over. Now what was I supposed to do?"
"Clear your slum!"
"Huh?"
"Sort through the treasures in your work bench and see if you can bear to part with any of them. I'll come out and hold your hand."
"Hi, Grampa! Whatchadoing?"
"Sorting through this stuff to see what I can throw away and what I'm going to keep."
Number 1 Granddaughter, then age 6, with her brilliant powers of observation, watched quietly for several minutes and, with the same humor that runs in the family, casually remarked "The keepers are winning." After her brilliant observation I realized all we'd really done was move stuff from one place to another. We didn't need to get better organized we needed to actually get rid of time robbers. I asked myself, "Is this item indispensable to my welfare and happiness?" I tried to separate need from greed and my decisions had nothing to do with staying in the fast lane. I was really surprised at how much I could let go and I don't remember what most of it was, but I do know I haven't missed anything I let go.
"Darling, it's up to you to run the bulldozer, it's all your treasure."
"Yeah, well I CAN'T now. I've gotta go play tennis."
I admitted to myself it was an ideal day for tennis, so I climbed up on a chair and tackled the top kitchen shelves.
Darling and Baby Daughter came home before I'd had a chance to miss them.
"Here's the key to the bulldozer. Start on the left cupboard of your work bench."
"Can't. I'm watching a basketball game."
Number 2 Son came in and asked, "Mom, can you put a new patch on an old hole?"
"Huh?"
"Will you stitch up the seam in my jeans?"
"Oh. Yeah, but they gotta be clean and you gotta hold my hand."
"Hold her hand?"
"Yeah. She always breaks a needle sewing on my jeans and she needs somebody there to cuss at."
Number 2 Son stood hunched over my shoulder watching the blue thread dancing back and forth as it pulled together the frayed seam. His non-stop flow of humor was par for the course.
"*%$*!"
"Wow! That sure got bent in a hurry. Want me to straighten it?"
"Nope. Just get me a new needle."
We started the same scene, take 2.
"*%$*!"
"Again?"
"I don't suppose I could get you to stitch my other pair...ah, I guess just forget it..."
Darling returned and said, "The game is over. Now what was I supposed to do?"
"Clear your slum!"
"Huh?"
"Sort through the treasures in your work bench and see if you can bear to part with any of them. I'll come out and hold your hand."
"Hi, Grampa! Whatchadoing?"
"Sorting through this stuff to see what I can throw away and what I'm going to keep."
Number 1 Granddaughter, then age 6, with her brilliant powers of observation, watched quietly for several minutes and, with the same humor that runs in the family, casually remarked "The keepers are winning." After her brilliant observation I realized all we'd really done was move stuff from one place to another. We didn't need to get better organized we needed to actually get rid of time robbers. I asked myself, "Is this item indispensable to my welfare and happiness?" I tried to separate need from greed and my decisions had nothing to do with staying in the fast lane. I was really surprised at how much I could let go and I don't remember what most of it was, but I do know I haven't missed anything I let go.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Slum Clearance
With pinch-pleated curtains ceiling to floor, wall to wall at the front window instead of a bed sheet, all kinds of things might happen. They look so spiffy I brought in a bulldozer and did a slum clearance on the living room. I was so pleased with THAT project, I started on urban renewal.
"Wow! You framed your painting."
"Yup, and hung it on the focal wall."
"I like it. The family seen it yet?"
"Nope."
Darling came home and for once he didn't say "Ooooops! Wrong house" and walk out again. He did notice the changes.
"Hmmmmmmmmm. Looks nice."
One change led to another. #2 Son was visiting #3 brother and sister for a few days so the places cleaned stayed that way. When he got home he also noted the changes.
"You get religion or sumpthin'?"
"Yeah, well guess what? You're about to get converted!"
"Nah! You back on that kick again?"
"Yes! You can't breathe in the living room anymore. I want it to stay clean."
A few days later the mail was brought in and left on the couch which attracted the newspaper to the floor which brought the cans of tennis balls to be placed on the bench which caused jackets to be thrown over the chairs which allowed two pairs of tennis shoes neatly placed side by side under the chairs which insisted that eight socks be scattered abroad and one lonely towel tossed in a heap. The water thermos did make it to the kitchen.
I approached the podium, mounted the soap box and began to preach my new religion.
"Get that mess out of here!"
"What mess?"
Darling and #2 Son looked around innocently, eyes never once seeing their leavings.
"What clutter? Two tennis rackets, Two jackets, Two pairs of shoes, Four pairs of socks...four pairs of socks?
"They cushion the feet better."
"Four pairs of socks, one towel...one towel?"
"We share."
"Yeah? Well share the pickup and get this stuff outta here!"
"We won. Don'tcha even care?"
"Oh, no! You mean we have to go through all this again this afternoon? Uh...I mean...congratulations."
"Wow! You framed your painting."
"Yup, and hung it on the focal wall."
"I like it. The family seen it yet?"
"Nope."
Darling came home and for once he didn't say "Ooooops! Wrong house" and walk out again. He did notice the changes.
"Hmmmmmmmmm. Looks nice."
One change led to another. #2 Son was visiting #3 brother and sister for a few days so the places cleaned stayed that way. When he got home he also noted the changes.
"You get religion or sumpthin'?"
"Yeah, well guess what? You're about to get converted!"
"Nah! You back on that kick again?"
"Yes! You can't breathe in the living room anymore. I want it to stay clean."
A few days later the mail was brought in and left on the couch which attracted the newspaper to the floor which brought the cans of tennis balls to be placed on the bench which caused jackets to be thrown over the chairs which allowed two pairs of tennis shoes neatly placed side by side under the chairs which insisted that eight socks be scattered abroad and one lonely towel tossed in a heap. The water thermos did make it to the kitchen.
I approached the podium, mounted the soap box and began to preach my new religion.
"Get that mess out of here!"
"What mess?"
Darling and #2 Son looked around innocently, eyes never once seeing their leavings.
"What clutter? Two tennis rackets, Two jackets, Two pairs of shoes, Four pairs of socks...four pairs of socks?
"They cushion the feet better."
"Four pairs of socks, one towel...one towel?"
"We share."
"Yeah? Well share the pickup and get this stuff outta here!"
"We won. Don'tcha even care?"
"Oh, no! You mean we have to go through all this again this afternoon? Uh...I mean...congratulations."
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Right Brain/Left Brain
I remember the neighborhood going into traumatic culture shock when after three years, two months and four days, in the darkest part of the night, Darling and I took down the bed sheet from the front window of the Retirement Cottage and replaced it with semi-sheer pinch-pleated curtains.
"There's nothing to it, Darling. Measure out three inches from the window wall on the ceiling and hang the rod."
"Hang the rod? On the ceiling?"
"Yes, dear."
"I thought you said you wanted the curtains to go from the ceiling to the floor."
"That's right. Ceiling to the floor, wall to wall."
"If you hang the brackets on the ceiling the curtains will hang down below the rod. You have to mount the brackets on the wall near the ceiling."
"We don't use brackets."
"Don't be ridiculous! The rods won't stay up without brackets--that's what you fasten them to the wall with."
"Yeah, I know. But we're not fastening them to the wall, we're hanging them on the ceiling."
"Look! See this bracket? It attaches to the wall. The drapery hooks fasten to these little sliding things with holes in them. The curtain rod goes behind here and hooks on here and there."
"Yes. I know. But we don't have rod curtains. We have pinch-pleated semi-sheer curtains."
"What does that have to do with the fact that you can't hang this rod from the ceiling? It would look dumb hanging down..."
"Trust me. Do it my way."
"You don't know what you're talking about! What you say doesn't make sense. It just isn't logical."
Knowing full well Darling is logical and left-brain oriented, I prepared for the ensuing battle by beating a hasty retreat for three hours.
When I came back, the curtains were still in the box and the rods were still on the floor. Darling's games were over and he was slightly more receptive.
"See this little dumaflotchie here? It screws into the ceiling and clips around the rod, holding it in place."
"That little thing? It'll never hold all that weight."
The next day Darling observed that the curtains really looked nice.
"Yes. It's all thanks to my dentist."
"Dentist! What's HE got to do with our curtains?"
"He is the one who explained he didn't want to be surrounded by left-brain-oriented types who were logical. He wanted dominantly RIGHT-brain-oriented females on his staff because they are creative, compassionate and haven't a logical thought in their heads."
"So? What's that got to do with our curtains?"
"Nothing. But now I know why we've stayed married for so long."
"Married! Now I really am lost. How did you get from our curtains to ..."
"Simple. I'm right-brain oriented."
"There's nothing to it, Darling. Measure out three inches from the window wall on the ceiling and hang the rod."
"Hang the rod? On the ceiling?"
"Yes, dear."
"I thought you said you wanted the curtains to go from the ceiling to the floor."
"That's right. Ceiling to the floor, wall to wall."
"If you hang the brackets on the ceiling the curtains will hang down below the rod. You have to mount the brackets on the wall near the ceiling."
"We don't use brackets."
"Don't be ridiculous! The rods won't stay up without brackets--that's what you fasten them to the wall with."
"Yeah, I know. But we're not fastening them to the wall, we're hanging them on the ceiling."
"Look! See this bracket? It attaches to the wall. The drapery hooks fasten to these little sliding things with holes in them. The curtain rod goes behind here and hooks on here and there."
"Yes. I know. But we don't have rod curtains. We have pinch-pleated semi-sheer curtains."
"What does that have to do with the fact that you can't hang this rod from the ceiling? It would look dumb hanging down..."
"Trust me. Do it my way."
"You don't know what you're talking about! What you say doesn't make sense. It just isn't logical."
Knowing full well Darling is logical and left-brain oriented, I prepared for the ensuing battle by beating a hasty retreat for three hours.
When I came back, the curtains were still in the box and the rods were still on the floor. Darling's games were over and he was slightly more receptive.
"See this little dumaflotchie here? It screws into the ceiling and clips around the rod, holding it in place."
"That little thing? It'll never hold all that weight."
The next day Darling observed that the curtains really looked nice.
"Yes. It's all thanks to my dentist."
"Dentist! What's HE got to do with our curtains?"
"He is the one who explained he didn't want to be surrounded by left-brain-oriented types who were logical. He wanted dominantly RIGHT-brain-oriented females on his staff because they are creative, compassionate and haven't a logical thought in their heads."
"So? What's that got to do with our curtains?"
"Nothing. But now I know why we've stayed married for so long."
"Married! Now I really am lost. How did you get from our curtains to ..."
"Simple. I'm right-brain oriented."
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Female/Male Brain
Now that we've collected a few pieces of information about the brain, you really should understand that you're never going to be able to communicate easily with your spouse because the female/male brains are so different. Solving the same problems, males and females use different parts of their brains. Women use more energy using their brain than men. We seldom take into consideration that women use more energy doing most things, not just talking, but in any way they solve a problem.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Emotions
What Do They Have To Do with a Clean House?
Emotions such as anger, love, joy and sadness change the biochemistry of the brain. Busy-ness brings an adrenaline high. Maybe that's why those who get too busy keep it up. They need higher and higher doses to get the rush. Brain chemicals like serotonin, a feel-good chemical, are thought-generated. Serotonin is one of the chemicals released into the body when the body gears up to take command. Capacity to elevate serotonin level quickly seems to bring dominance. This is probably why people who want power seek it. It feels much better for them to be in charge than for them to be passive or subordinate. A male monkey leader has twice the blood level of serotonin as the other males in the community. If that leader is taken away from the community, for whatever reason, his serotonin level reverts back to the level of the other males in the group. However, females respond to elevated serotonin level in the male and this causes a mellowing out in the dominant male, keeping the other males away and allowing the dominance. On the other hand some people like the subordinate feeling because it requires less action and has relatively little "high."
Here's an interesting piece of information: Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in women suffering PMS. Add another piece: Tryptophane breaks down into serotonin. Add yet another piece to those: Bananas are high in tryptophane. I'll let you come to your own conclusion.
Emotions such as anger, love, joy and sadness change the biochemistry of the brain. Busy-ness brings an adrenaline high. Maybe that's why those who get too busy keep it up. They need higher and higher doses to get the rush. Brain chemicals like serotonin, a feel-good chemical, are thought-generated. Serotonin is one of the chemicals released into the body when the body gears up to take command. Capacity to elevate serotonin level quickly seems to bring dominance. This is probably why people who want power seek it. It feels much better for them to be in charge than for them to be passive or subordinate. A male monkey leader has twice the blood level of serotonin as the other males in the community. If that leader is taken away from the community, for whatever reason, his serotonin level reverts back to the level of the other males in the group. However, females respond to elevated serotonin level in the male and this causes a mellowing out in the dominant male, keeping the other males away and allowing the dominance. On the other hand some people like the subordinate feeling because it requires less action and has relatively little "high."
Here's an interesting piece of information: Decreased levels of serotonin have been found in women suffering PMS. Add another piece: Tryptophane breaks down into serotonin. Add yet another piece to those: Bananas are high in tryptophane. I'll let you come to your own conclusion.
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