I remember the neighborhood going into traumatic culture shock when after three years, two months and four days, in the darkest part of the night, Darling and I took down the bed sheet from the front window of the Retirement Cottage and replaced it with semi-sheer pinch-pleated curtains.
"There's nothing to it, Darling. Measure out three inches from the window wall on the ceiling and hang the rod."
"Hang the rod? On the ceiling?"
"Yes, dear."
"I thought you said you wanted the curtains to go from the ceiling to the floor."
"That's right. Ceiling to the floor, wall to wall."
"If you hang the brackets on the ceiling the curtains will hang down below the rod. You have to mount the brackets on the wall near the ceiling."
"We don't use brackets."
"Don't be ridiculous! The rods won't stay up without brackets--that's what you fasten them to the wall with."
"Yeah, I know. But we're not fastening them to the wall, we're hanging them on the ceiling."
"Look! See this bracket? It attaches to the wall. The drapery hooks fasten to these little sliding things with holes in them. The curtain rod goes behind here and hooks on here and there."
"Yes. I know. But we don't have rod curtains. We have pinch-pleated semi-sheer curtains."
"What does that have to do with the fact that you can't hang this rod from the ceiling? It would look dumb hanging down..."
"Trust me. Do it my way."
"You don't know what you're talking about! What you say doesn't make sense. It just isn't logical."
Knowing full well Darling is logical and left-brain oriented, I prepared for the ensuing battle by beating a hasty retreat for three hours.
When I came back, the curtains were still in the box and the rods were still on the floor. Darling's games were over and he was slightly more receptive.
"See this little dumaflotchie here? It screws into the ceiling and clips around the rod, holding it in place."
"That little thing? It'll never hold all that weight."
The next day Darling observed that the curtains really looked nice.
"Yes. It's all thanks to my dentist."
"Dentist! What's HE got to do with our curtains?"
"He is the one who explained he didn't want to be surrounded by left-brain-oriented types who were logical. He wanted dominantly RIGHT-brain-oriented females on his staff because they are creative, compassionate and haven't a logical thought in their heads."
"So? What's that got to do with our curtains?"
"Nothing. But now I know why we've stayed married for so long."
"Married! Now I really am lost. How did you get from our curtains to ..."
"Simple. I'm right-brain oriented."
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