A Map to a Clean House?

Vicki told me, "I loved my third grade teacher. She made school such fun. That was the year my father had a heart attack, my mother had to go to work full time and then my third grade teacher died. I couldn't handle all that stress. I escaped into a fantasy world of being in love with Elvis Presley. He was just becoming popular and playing his records and seeing his movies allowed me to escape. Later, whenever life got too tough, I went back into that comfort zone of escape (childhood). Now, I recognize that to come out of escape equals progress. I had lots of cans of worms to get through. Sometimes things that happen are out of your control. The unknown is bad enough and just getting out of your comfort zone is hard, then you find a can of worms but you can't go on until you eat them.

"Everybody is telling you you're a pig and maybe sometimes you feel like one, but down deep you know you're not, so how do you deal with it? One day you find somebody who says, `You are not a pig!' and gives you ways how to deal. You've always been in pig mode so you have to learn how to climb out of your comfort zone to deal with the mess. How big are your worms? There's a whole lot more to it than, `Here's what to do.' You have to find the underlying reason because where the cans of worms come from is the underlying reason why you're rebelling.

"Sometimes you want to rebel and need to go through the climbing out process again. Each time you climb out things get better and better. It's fighting back for control of your life. In other words, validation of your own person. A messy house proves I am in control of something, even if someone else controls everything else.

"Finally, I was able to trust and got connected as one person but I got threatened by the happiness--I don't deserve it--I don't know HOW to be happy because I've been miserable all my life. It's like going someplace you've never been before. I get in control, get self-esteem, then I smash it and go back into my comfort zone. It's like having a learning disability. There is a wonderful person in there under the slimy, mucky, mire of the pit. The question is, how do you keep the slime, muck, and mire off? It's a never-ending story, a refiner's fire on a higher level, like Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Do you know you can be happy? Do you know HOW to be happy? I wondered if part of the map was missing--you can't get from here to there without a map. You have to have it in black and white and green before you know where to go and what to do.

"It's like planning a vacation. The simplest way to Memphis is the way you want to go but you can't get from here to there without a map. So draw a map (make a list) then follow the map. Start where you are. Set a realistic goal. Then put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time the same way the little dog got to Dover. Remember, you don't get to Memphis by hiring someone to go for you. You have to do it yourself."